Recently I have been going through significant personal changes.

Through quite a long period of time I was thinking that I was not good enough.

In my childhood, when I was standing at the playground waiting for the kids to come and play with me me, sometimes nobody came. I felt deeply lonely and then was standing at the gate for hours calling my mom and my granny.

Probably it has been since that time when I was keeping it in my head that there might be something with me, in me.

And for many years I have been often asking myself  what others are thinking of me, if these people like me or not, if I am saying something right and appropriate, or if they may judge me.

Lots of different thoughts in my head, like loads of chattering monkeys..

I felt as if I was in a cave being imprisoned by what others are thinking of me. I was not free to do what I want, how I fully see it, because I was too much dependent of the others’ opinion, striving to adapt, do what they prefer.

There were the moments when my own values in relationship were shadowed as I thought that I needed to accept, adapt and change for the better. It surely cannot work this way because what lacks here is my own balance, inner peace and harmony. I felt as if I was rejecting myself, my inner self. What others think, if they appreciate me mattered a lot for me.

It is surely important to ask what others think in the moment when it is necessary, because feedback is precious. For example, by getting feedback I am learning and can improve my wellbeing work like qi gong and wellbeing therapy.

However, as for my own wellbeing, only I know better. Because I am unique. Each of us is unique.

When realising this I have changed my life.

I have chosen the environment, the relationship with people that make me feel fulfilled, valued and respected. That make me feel loving and loved. I am now surrounded by wonderful people who are bringing light, good energy into my life.

And  I am also learning to face my fears, my weaknesses, my vulnerabilities. That is the way to growth.. That is the way to a more balanced and harmonious life.

Do I now care a lot about what others think of me? I do, to some extent. What I know is – If I believe in myself, the outer opinion will matter as much as it is close to me, to my vision.

My own self-discovery and growth through experience is what really matters.

We have a huge world inside us and it knows the answers.

Now I am now listening to myself, listening to my heart.