All of us are unique, special and wonderful in our own way.

I have gone through some changes in the past few years and would like to share with you.

I used to be very judgemental to myself, often thinking that I was saying or doing something wrong. Before I was going to say or do something, I asked myself “Am I good enough?”  Quite often we tend to be too much dependent on other people’s opinion, and such thoughts as “What if they won’t appreciate me? What if I make a mistake and fail? What if…What if.. ” are following us. And we might not even try or give up as we think the others will not appreciate it. This all comes from our inner beliefs and inner fears aroused from past experiences. For example, I was afraid of public speaking and I thought that my voice was too quiet, and I didn’t have a talent and skills to speak in public.

This came from my childhood when as a pupil at school I was often told that I wasn’t speaking loud enough, and whenever I had some relevant interesting thoughts to share, I asked myself if it was to the point or maybe it was better to stay quiet. I was writing school compositions a lot more confidently and successfully  than speaking in class. Probably I did not get enough support and encouragement that I needed.

I got upset, and then became silent.

Having fear to speak, I stayed silent in the literature classes, though I loved reading and had a lot of thoughts and ideas to share. I had some fire inside me, some force that was telling me that I should raise my hand, stand up and speak. But I didn’t for quite a long period, because I was afraid.

Yes, I was afraid. This may be familiar to you in some life situations.

This all was subconscious, my fears and doubts were hidden inside me. As a kid and a teenager I was not aware of it, until I went to an English school in England at the age of fourteen. It was the first time in my life when I spent three weeks talking in a foreign language, learning a lot, meeting new people, becoming more open and sociable. The main focus of the English course was on communication, and I was speaking, sharing my thoughts and ideas with my classmates and I absolutely loved it. Surprisingly for me, I was not afraid of making a mistake, probably because I was not a native speaker. I thought that it was normal to make a mistake and learn.

Since that time something inside me had changed. I became more open and more confident.  The most important, I felt that I was not afraid. 

The next important step in my transformation happened when I started practicing tai chi, yoga and meditations a few years ago. The practices helped me slow down, take a pause and learn to explore and discover myself with interest and curiosity, with love and care. I found breathing meditation healing, nourishing and calming. I got more peaceful and balanced, less emotional and reactive after practices. Some of tai chi movements are like movements of the tree branches in the wind, gracious, slow, gentle movements. These practices had a harmonious, calming effect on me. It was precious to stay in this state even if it lasted a few hours, maybe even minutes.

Slowly step by step I started seeing something that had been hidden inside, and this subconscious became conscious.

It has taken a lot of inner work, and I’m in the process of self-discovery, exploring, observing, learning. I’m learning to love, care, accept, be more compassionate and understanding to myself and people around.

What helped me a lot during my journey is:

• Tai chi and yoga practices, 
• Guided Meditations,
• Positive psychology practices,
• Logotherapy techniques,
• Creating my own personal space home,
• Finding my own daily rituals of comfort and joy,
• Keeping a Gratitude journal,
• Writing down my observations, my thoughts.

I am wishing you all health, love and care, dear friends.